If you suspect a friend is dealing with abuse, you might feel the urge to step in. But remember, leaving an abusive relationship is often a complex decision, not as simple as just walking away.

 

Survivors stay for many reasons:

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• Fear: Worry over what the abuser will do if they leave or doubts about living independently.

• Shame: Feeling responsible or believing they deserve the abuse.

• Intimidation: Abusers may use threats to maintain control.

• Resources: Financial dependence or lack of alternatives can trap a survivor.

• Disability: Dependence on an abuser for care can leave survivors feeling they have no options.

• Children: Concerns about family disruption or guilt can be a factor.

• Normalization: Growing up with abuse can make it hard to identify unhealthy behaviors.

• Self-Esteem: Verbal abuse can lead to self-blame.

• Culture: Cultural beliefs or customs may influence their choices.

 

Supporting someone in this situation means:

• Understanding: Acknowledge the fear and difficulty they face.

• No Judgment: Respect their choices without criticism.

• Empowerment: Realize you can't "rescue" them—it's their life.

• Respect: Speak respectfully about their partner.

• Planning: Help them think through a safety plan or keep emergency items.

• Guidance: Encourage conversations with professionals for support.